You graduated! Here’s your bill.

Joel: We met at a private liberal arts college in the Midwest. We went to college because that’s what you do. Go to college, get good grades, get a good job, live happily ever after. Our thoughts about college have evolved slightly but more on that in a later post. Back to the story, from the moment Emily laid eyes on me she knew I was the one…

Emily: (Eye roll) I think we just need to go on with the story. I remember the exact moment I learned that higher education was an investment in myself, words I didn’t know as a high school student looking for “the college experience.” As I walked on campus talking to my childhood best friend, opening my loan statement for my sophomore year, that’s when it hit me that the huge number I was staring at would need to be earned and paid back, plus some. That’s when it evolved from “just what you do” to something more. More to come on higher education in a later post. 

Joel: After Emily graduated, we were married and our wedding present from the college was $98,000 of student loans.

Emily: Our plan was to add another $75,000 worth of graduate school student loans for a masters degree in Occupational Therapy. In the first three years of our marriage, we were facing $172,000 in debt.

Joel: Meanwhile, we were fielding questions about when we would buy a house, have babies, and buy a new car. Ya know, all the normal questions for newlyweds in their early 20s who have no money and are in debt to their eyeballs while living off of a teacher salary.

Emily: We looked at one house in Dewitt, IA, where we were living at the time, but it didn’t feel right. It felt unsettling. My mind went to that debt number almost on a daily basis. It was impacting our marriage because we didn’t have a plan. It seemed insurmountable. At that time, in 2010, people were taking out mortgages for nice houses for less than the amount of our student loan debt and that was infuriating, defeating, and confusing. How were we ever going to dig ourselves out of this hole?

Joel: All told, we had $155,000 worth of student loans by 2013. 

Emily: Proud fact - I worked full time nights and weekends the last two years of graduate school to earn enough to pay for the last year in cash. That felt really good. It was hard, it meant saying no in the short term, but so worth the effort to be able to say yes later on. Delayed gratification. And a reality check - I was awarded a $15,000 HRSA grant my first year because basically I was one of the poorest five health science students at the university. That said, it did what it was supposed to do - give us a big relief in the long run. 

Joel: In hindsight, our natural frugal ways allowed us to tread water for the three years Emily was in school while not really having a plan on how to get out of debt.

Emily: The ability to distinguish want versus need was a skill taught to me from a very young age by my parents. That was a huge gift they gave to me. Another gift was not paying for my college. It forced me, and thus us as a married couple, to figure it out. 

Joel: It forced us to figure it out. We have always shared everything. My debt is her debt and vice versa. There is no such thing as my money in our marriage. We share a bed so we share a bank account.

Emily: Another thing we kept hearing was “debt is just something you have to learn to live with… it’s a fact of life.” This also sat wrong with us. We were not willing to accept this. We were both raised to live within our means, be grateful for what we had because it was far more than most had, yet we were also supposed to be ok with debt somehow, too. It didn’t make sense. 

Joel: So how did we do it? We got really good at living on $35,000 per year which is what my teaching salary was. The key to our long term success is that we never really changed. When Emily got her job making $50,000 per year, almost all of it went to paying down our loans. Basically, we had a relentless pursuit of paying off our debt. We didn’t let lifestyle creep in. We rented and stuck to the budget we got used to living on for those first three years. As we made more money, we didn’t buy new cars. We did not get shiny, new fancy toys. We didn’t do, “a big boy or girl purchase.” We did get a sweet Manta Ray speedboat for $2,400 which I named…

Emily: It's still unnamed. We live in a Mississippi River town and knew the boat would be an investment into memories for our family and friends. 

Joel: ”Girl Catcher.” 

Emily: Nope. Creepy AF. Nothing like a school teacher having a boat basically named “The Pedifile.” The boat will continue to be unnamed or go by the manufacturer’s name: Manta Ray. 

Joel: Memories pay dividends for life each time you retell the stories. Like the time on that boat my friend, John, got stung by a bee in his lip. It was the best:

Emily: Our budget now as a family of 6 is a little more than $35,000, but we still comfortably live on Joel’s Catholic school teacher income and invest mine. We prioritize wants and needs. 

Joel: We aren’t necessarily “grass is greener” people. We’re happy with what we have. If you really want to know how we did it in detail those first few years, or if you want to get out of debt, open up Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover where he outlines in 7 baby steps how to get out of debt. Of note: we don’t subscribe to his wealth building steps, but his steps for getting out of debt are gold. 

Key takeaways: 

Bee sting heard around the world.

1. When you have two incomes, live off of one. 

2. Life doesn’t have to be expensive. Get a budget.